The betrayal of trust brought about by a partner’s secret involvement with another person leads to a shocking and painful realization on the part of the deceived party that the person he or she has been involved with has a secret life and that there is an aspect of his or her partner that he or she had no knowledge of.ĭamaging another person’s sense of reality is immoral. Deception and lies shatter the reality of others, eroding their belief in the veracity of their perceptions and subjective experience. In the book Sex and Love in Intimate Relationships, I cited extensive research on the subject of infidelity and posed the following:ĭeception may be the most damaging aspect of infidelity. Thus, the real villain behind infidelity isn’t necessarily the affair itself, but the many secrets and deceptions built around the affair. Two adults can agree to whatever terms of a relationship they like, but the hidden violation of the agreement is what makes an act a betrayal and an affair unethical. Whatever one’s stance is on open versus closed relationships, the most painful aspect of infidelity is often the fact that someone is hiding something so significant from their partner. I declined answering the question, for one simple reason: it’s not! Since when did lying become okay? Lying to someone, especially someone close to us, is one of the most basic violations of a person’s human rights. Given this discrepancy, it is important for every couple to address how they are going to approach the subject of fidelity and to examine the level of honesty and openness in their relationship.Įarlier this week I got a call from a well-known women’s magazine and was asked to explain when it is okay for a woman to lie to her partner. Infidelity is inarguably prevalent, yet it is extensively frowned upon. Still, other studies reveal that 90 percent of Americans believe adultery is morally wrong. In the United States, 45 to 55 percent of married women and 50 to 60 percent of married men engage in extramarital sex at some time during their relationship, according to a 2002 study published in Journal of Couple & Relationship Therapy. It’s hard to deny that, as a society, there’s a lot to be examined about the ethics of our own relationships. Most of us would admit that there is little point in speculating about the ins and outs, agreements and lies, secrets and circumstances of a stranger’s affair, but our fascination with the indiscretions of others should tell us something about ourselves and the world around us. Without even meaning to, we learn details, names, sources and suspicions. When the topic of infidelity spills into our daily dose of media, we may say we saw it coming, or we may react with shock. ![]() ![]() Fear of Intimacy, Relationship Advice, Relationships
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